Overview

Jonathan Coulton

Where Tradition Meets Tomorrow

Pop Rock

DIFFICULTY
BAND
GUITAR
DRUM
VOCALS
BASS

Guitar

Drums

Vocals

Lyrics

Welcome to my secret lair on Skullcrusher Mountain
I hope that you’ve enjoyed your stay so far
I see you’ve met my assistant Scarface
His appearance is quite disturbing
But I assure you he’s harmless enough
He’s a sweetheart, calls me master
And he has a way of finding pretty things and bringing them to me

I’m so into you
But I’m way too smart for you
Even my henchmen think I’m crazy
I’m not surprised that you agree
If you could find some way to be
A little bit less afraid of me
You’d see the voices that control me from inside my head
Say I shouldn’t kill you yet

I made this half-pony half-monkey monster to please you
But I get the feeling that you don’t like it
What’s with all the screaming?
You like monkeys, you like ponies
Maybe you don’t like monsters so much
Maybe I used too many monkeys
Isn’t it enough to know that I ruined a pony making a gift for you?

I’m so into you
But I’m way too smart for you
Even my henchmen think I’m crazy
I’m not surprised that you agree
If you could find some way to be
A little bit less afraid of me
You’d see the voices that control me from inside my head
Say I shouldn’t kill you yet

Picture the two of us alone inside my golden submarine
While up above the waves my doomsday squad ignites the atmosphere
And all the fools who live their foolish lives may find it quite explosive
But it won’t mean half as much to me if I don’t have you here

You know it isn’t easy living here on Skullcrusher Mountain
Maybe you could cut me just a little slack
Would it kill you to be civil?
I’ve been patient, I’ve been gracious
And this mountain is covered with wolves
Hear them howling, my hungry children
Maybe you should stay and have another drink and think about me and you

I’m so into you
But I’m way too smart for you
Even my henchmen think I’m crazy
I’m not surprised that you agree
If you could find some way to be
A little bit less afraid of me
You’d see the voices that control me from inside my head
Say I shouldn’t kill you yet
I shouldn’t kill you yet
I shouldn’t kill you yet

Bass

Overview

The Darkest of the Hillside Thickets

The Shadow Out of Time (Unreleased Track)

Rock

DIFFICULTY
BAND
GUITAR
DRUM
VOCALS
BASS

Guitar

Drums

Vocals

Lyrics

I understand that you’re upset
And you have every right to be
It’s obvious to see

I was in the wrong
But I will make it up to you
I’m gonna make it right

If we can put this in the past
And never speak to anyone
About this gaucherie

I will swear to you
That it will not happen again
I’m gonna make it right
Tonight

No tears
No noise
No calls
No choice
No lock
No key
No third
Degree

No need to trouble the police
And I can take care of the mess
I know a little place

Let me handle this
Why don’t you go and see the kids?
I’m gonna make it right
Tonight

No tears
No noise
No calls
No choice
No lock
No key
No third
Degree

No flight
No flaws
No breaks
No pause
No clues
No trace
No hands
No face

Untold
Unseen
Unphased
Unclean
Unsaid
Unkind
Undead
Unwind

No fuse
No prime
No plans
No time
No push
No shove
No God
Above

No black no white no source of light
No second chance no end in sight
No flesh no bone no blood no mess
No hate no love no sweet caress

Nothing to see
No links no ties
No time for that
No long goodbyes

No lies no thanks no secrets
No problem
No way

Bass

Overview

MC Frontalot feat. Brad Sucks

Secrets from the Future

Rock

DIFFICULTY
BAND
GUITAR
DRUM
VOCALS
BASS

Guitar

Drums

Vocals

Lyrics

Where I’m livin’, it’s hard to say
Wasting my time at the corner of dude and catastrophe
Where I’m livin’, it’s hard to say
But I feel fine at the corner of dude and catastrophe

Woke up by the pool again
Must have played the fool again
Wonder what them hooligans put on the grill that stinks
Kind of like burnt fur and regurg’ed drinks
With an undertone of the acorn
And leather that’s laid on
Thick like Liz Claiborne
Step over with big trepidation
Lift up the top off the meat cooking station
To discover my homie Todd
I said “Oh my God
What grim façade
Do you meet me with in my wakefulness?”
I had too many Stellas and they all was crisp
Must I rise up in the morning with my squirrel desisted
From the world? Insisted, as I did
This instant, that
Him up in heaven again is premature?
If only reality would concur
Poke him with the tongs. Dude won’t wake up
Put him on the lawn; Ray’s about to cook a steak up
And this ain’t no kind of mausoleum
Got to get the high degree on
Todd’s onomatopoeia
Got already all used up — I mean he sizzled —
Ain’t nothing left but char, bone, and gristle
My heart is fissile: I mean it could break
Like crystal; he never learned to whistle. Don’t rake
His cadaver up, wassamadda with your mind?
He ain’t a lawn clipping. We been knuckleheads since old times
Dig out the batting helmet and the bat
‘Cause we’re all about to have a funeral, and that’s that
We’ll do it after breakfast. We’ll do it up proper
We’ll drop all his ashes out the Airwolf copter
All singing up dirges, all spreading out blossoms
And it’s gonna b-b-b-be frikkin’ awesome!

Where I’m livin’, it’s hard to say
Wasting my time at the corner of dude and catastrophe
Where I’m livin’, it’s hard to say
But I feel fine at the corner of dude and catastrophe

Six bong rips later: we ain’t going to the helipad
Standin’ ’round hella sad
Wonder where them Stellas at
All these dudes ain’t huge on sentiment
Wtill they want to say a little something to the benefit
Of layin’ Todd’s soul to rest
I cold regressed, contemplated old regrets
And said, “Man why he even got to do a thing
Like pass out on the Bar-B-King?”
I’m tryin’ to bring from like recesses in my mind
A word or two that wouldn’t prove unkind
Aligned as he was with the less-than-angelic
Trafficking black tar smack & psychedelics
In that little-ass van of his, and drunk doing it
Knowing what the right thing to do was but eschewing it
It’d seem pretty probable
Flames are audible
That’s the duty that Todd’ll pull
Not just in death, but in after-that
Like the bat out the h-e-double-vertical-slat
But inbound in the case of this rodent
Like when he got peeled-out on and ‘sploded
Or indeed when he got shanked in the joint
Hella causing me to wonder if there’s even a point
To our shepherdly tending of his life’s ending
Bet he’s chilling at Friendly’s
And gonna be back in the neighborhood shortly
Discussing how awesome it is to be portly
Reporting the slant he just got on with Blister
(Drank till his wrists hurt
Boned the ghost of your sister)
The dude’s a bucket kickster when he has to be
And this one wasn’t like a masterpiece
So yes we’re depressed but not drastically
Livin’ at the corner of dude and catastrophe

Where I’m livin’, it’s hard to say
Wasting my time at the corner of dude and catastrophe
Where I’m livin’, it’s hard to say
But I feel fine at the corner of dude and catastrophe
I’ll just wait, waving goodbye until the next time
I’ll just wait, waving goodbye until the next time

Bass